I am going to take the big dirt bath. I don’t know how it happened and I sure as hell wasn’t planning it, but the worms and I going to be playing cards soon. I have my spot all picked out. It’s by my mother, Grace and my father, Omar. I got a better spot than they did. I am near a tree and am by the road so you can just drive by and say Hello. Well, to get back to my obit, I have a MA in history from Western Michigan University, and wrote a book called “Letters From Box 303” that got published on the internet, but the thing I am proudest of is my daughter, Mary Conlogue. She turned out OK! That’s pretty amazing considering what she went through.
Now, I am donating any of me for spare parts if you can still use them. Maybe part of me will still be having fun. Don’t put me in some @#%@ I had enough of them when I was alive. I am not having any funeral home get right on me. I had enough of that when my mother died, so I got one where I could finance my funeral for ten years. I’ll have a pine box, if I had my way, but I think my daughter would like me to have a nice aspen wood casket. It’s her day, I’m dead, so why should I care. Actually, I am going with twelve gauge steel. There is nothing like steel to keep those grave robbers out.
When you come, to the wake, bring some food and booze. Don’t get drunk, I’ll come back and give you hell if you do. Look at family pictures and have some good memories.
Don’t bury me in some $#%# suit. I hated suits when I was alive, I sure as hell don’t want one when I’m dead. Actually, I considered that, I won’t be feeling anything and I do want to get some use out of the suits I have. I’m dead, so why should I care. You don’t have to wear a suit if you don’t want to. Put the ashes of my first dog, Becky, in with me. She was a good dog and I cried when she left. If there is an afterlife, she is there. If anyone wants to give a speech it is OK with me, but my daughter is in charge and you have to OK it with her. When you think you have cried and remembered enough, have six strong guys put the casket (Christ, they are heavy) in the back of some pick up and drive to Roselawn. On second thought, I am taking the hearse, I am paying for this and I might as well go in style. When you are there say something and get on with your lives. And, most of all take care of my daughter.
You can visit with me at my gathering on Wednesday, December 4, 2019 from 11:00 A.M. to 12:00 P.M. at Newcomer Funeral Home – Northwest Chapel, 4150 W. Laskey Road, Toledo, Ohio 43623 (419-473-0300). Graveside services will follow at Roselawn Memory Park in LaSalle, Michigan.
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